Mindset

Suddenly, so many changes happening at one time. Seems that we are a frozen witness to the chaotic sequence of events happening & changing, all at one time. And makes me wonder sometimes, and feel surprised, that all the so called accumulated, possessed intellect, the wisdom & the collective experience fail to help in creating sense out of this chaos. With every passing frame of strange unpredictable slides of daily living, we see ourselves leaving these frames, one by one, and find ourselves moving away, being pushed away, getting dis-connected with the real time., with the “new present” which we all are witnessing in our “NOW”.

Where did we lose our momentum?
What did we lack to match pace with these turn of events?
Did we never try to adjust, adapt & compromise; to exist & survive?

It’s all just seem to be too quick, too sudden, as if being caught off-guard, being caught unaware.

I believe, the answer lies in “MINDSET”.

Where the common folks are failing and finding themselves being pushed out, is because of the “Mindset” they possess. Most of the times, it’s easy to adapt to changing situations, changing generations; on physical terms; but quite a task to align with the change in mindset along the line of these changing times.
As a parent, we do always believe that we possess the greatest wisdom and intellect to drive our kids on the path to sure shot success & glory. And in spite of this belief in ourselves, don’t we often find ourselves at cross-heads with our kids, specially dealing with them in their teens? It’s not that the children are not matured, or least bothered about the world around them or about their own lives. They of course are full of aspirations, vision, dreams, fresh thoughts, newer ideas and have novel ways to put their ideas and plans to action. But, most of the times, none of these initiatives from them, does make any sense to us. Isn’t it? We invariable and quite certainly have our own versions and push-over ideas to counter every words of theirs. And here we create conflicts. We make matter more complex and complicated between the subjects concerned. And eventually, knowing that the force of current generation is far stronger than that of ours or of our times, we succumb. We retreat. We make an exit. The only effort which could have created win-win situation, may be was to try and make an alignment with their flow of energy.

Now, this mindset is not the problem of gap in generations, only. We face and see this weakness erupting at all levels of our interactions within our society. Let’s talk about our family. We, in India, have always believed in staying together, staying jointly, with all our kith & kins. And that has been going on & on since years. Here too, the physical space in the house can be adjusted, adapted & compromised with. With mutual love & respect for each other in the home, we somehow manage with these limitations. But what about the friction which arises due to different opinions, different perceptions, between school of old wisdom and the newly acquired education, due to weakness of external & internal influences, unequal intellect and of course the roots of personal ego which pulls and tightly holds these mis-matched perceptions. Now these differences give rise to chaos, individual dis-satisfaction and eventually there is a crack in the relationships. And once the things get sour, the damage is ir-repairable. So we failed again? The only thing which could have saved this situation to turn worse could have been the effort to try and align with the mindset of the subject concerned. It’s not for only one person to put this effort, but every one of us in the family, on an individual basis, could exercise and apply this within their limited capacities & abilities., and save the situation.

Let’s come out of our homes. And talk about meeting newer and newer people every time we decide to move further on our mission in life. We grow with few of our age-mates in school, in our building, in our locality and make a bond to become childhood friends. We grow and add few more of the people in our wagon, based on our changing demands & priorities. Don’t we see the friction here too, in our lives? The group of people who we have created, got associated with, made friends with, in different walks of life; somehow, someday, at some phase, at some moment does bring about friction and conflicts. When younger and relatively uninfluenced & innocent, we had a natural way of aligning to different views, different opinions and thus the “unaware application” of alignment with the mindset. But now when we move on in life with different priorities and on d way to reach our goals and targets, anyhow-anyways, we lose this natural instinct. Our Point of views become self-centric. The see-saw gets tilted more towards how we would see the things, in fact, how we would like to see the things and make the situation turn in our way as how and what we wish. Here unlike other losses, this is bigger & more damaging. This set of people who had emerged in your life, without any particular reason or mission, got close, got associated for longer times; when passes through such conflicts; the situation thus emerges, may force us & throw us towards uncertainty in our respective lives of after-years, when the only priority in life would be to have people around us, to accompany us to live through our years, happily and at peace. Here too, applying wisdom, and putting in little efforts to understand different perceptions and view-points, however not suitable to us, could result in the alignment of the group mindset and help you to sail through, as a unit.

We marry, we have our respective spouses taking call to live together in love for the entire life, with mutual respect for each other. Ironically, the maximum cases of emergence of chaos is in this relationship of life. Why? Did anybody ever try to actually reach the roots? Of course, the families and the people connected with such mishaps must have had tried at their best to save such situations since years. But it’s still happening. In fact such cases have increased exponentially. That implies, whatever theories and equations are generated to prevent such emergence has failed miserably. Isn’t it? Where are we failing in this? An interesting point to note is, that especially in these failures, the scope of reconcilement is minimal, very rare. I believe, the problem lies elsewhere. This is one of the exceptional cases of application of alignment in the mindset. What happens here is, that the couple is asked to get committed to each other, before actually they could work to work out on such association as a unit. When a life time commitment is given or where a couple has to get bound in such commitment for life, all the remaining aspirations and dreams of an individual, which are yet unfinished, are expected to be “obviously” supported and fulfilled by the life-partner. We all know that expectations lead to miseries. But the “obvious” attached to the expectations is more dangerous. One tends to ask more and more , expect more and more, may be exceeding the other’s capacity to deliver or understand or manage. Such imbalance, at regular intervals, leads to a painful separation, never to be re-joined. Unfortunately, here in this case, when one ties the knots and even when the knot is released, both the times, the commitment taken under law (religious & constitutional), is irreversible. In the earlier years, one of the genders, usually males, used to dominate and the better half used to exist under subordination and so the holding of power usually being one sided, conflicts were avoided or generally never used to be raised as an issue. Now when we are in the world and times of gender equalities, the power rests in both the hands. And the individual desires and aspirations have ever since rose multi folds because of innumerable opportunities & choices. So, still pulling along with the same arrangement of life time commitment may not hold good for longer period of time. One of the two would surely succumb to these external & internal pressures and give away. Here, when a couple steps into living life together, need to have enough time to create and adjust and align to each other’s mindset relating to the remaining life, which is to be lived together. Understand the role one needs to enact pertaining to well defined responsibilities and role of the support system which is demanded & expected from the other. May be, in this case, if the mindset is set before the actual tie up, then the chances of falling apart of this institution can reduce a bit.

Thus, from the times we are ready to think, understand the lives around us, we constantly need to work on this alignment of the mindset. Not only it saves the meaning of people in and around our lives, but helps us to unwind hidden potential within us to achieve higher and higher quality of life. Once the concept is understood in its real sense, and the same is applied and exercised from time to time, the negativity, limitations and resistance in life is diffused. And it paves way for a clear picture, a clear path which takes you one way, and that’s FORWARD.

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